My encounter with the stage....

As a kid I was very good on stage but I don’ t know since my upper primary days,
I started developing a huge fear for the stage and the crowd. I was not a silent
character, was not dumb for sure. In fact I was always considered as one of the most
talkative and notorious child by most of my teachers. Teachers used to change
my place on a weekly basis just to stop me from talking. But, when it comes to stage
I was all scared and all frozen. I should thank this amazing bunch of friends like
Dhaneesh and Nirmal for always encouraging me and helping me improve up to a
far great extend and also thanks to Nandan sir, for always being there as my mentor,
friend, philosopher and guide.

The reason why I remembered them was because, I actually realised that I started
improving day by day with regards to my attitude, approach, behaviour and
performance after being with them. A child needs to be exposed to the crowd right
from the beginning so that this Phobia for stage and crowd is cured right from the
beginning. when you ask a child to recite a poem or tell them to narrate a story in front of others,you are actually training them to face the crowd. Parents, friends and relatives are the
first audience who helps a child gain confidence on his abilities and talent right from
the beginning. I was very unfortunate in this case. I, as a child was more in to micro
groups who loved to read books, talk about cars and video games, movies and trends.
I was never selected as a class monitor; I never participated in any competitions and
was never exposed to stage.

I was always accused of being a day dreamer (which I still proudly continues to be…)
My parents or none of my elders for that matter tried to understand where exactly
my talent lies and may be that is the reason why they never tried to understand my
thoughts and my dreams. I was always told that there is a huge difference between
the dreams and the ultimate reality. I was told that life is all about sufferings and
struggle and I was asked to prepare myself for this war called ‘ life’ right from the
beginning. I was a dumb in mathematics and I was told that people who can’ t solve
mathematical problems will die of starvation. I was told that sports, music, movies,
are just good as pastime and not a career option. I was told that you need to join an
office, a place where all people must go, once done with the academic life and, life
is all about living like all others that you see around.

I always thought that I will write about all this only after the day when I become
successful in life, that too after choosing what I want to do. But, now even though I
am nowhere, I somehow realise that whatever I feel, whatever I think and whatever I
write has some content in it.

I had this huge passion for music since my childhood days and I was trained in basics
of Carnatic under Vishwam Sir from my native. I was well versed in swara sthanas
(notations) as that is what I was doing for 2 years before I could reach Geetham and
Varnam. I left my music class when I reached up to Varnam. May be I was too young
and restless to start Varnam at the age of nine.

I reached Mumbai and it took for about a year and half for me to learn new languages
and make new friends. The entire atmosphere and ambience around me changed and
so were my priorities. I started spending hours discussing about my childhood and my
life in Kerala to my best buddies. Initial years in Mumbai were very difficult as I had
to completely transform myself according to this urban cult and atmosphere.

I forgot that I was good in music and I was interested in literatures and languages. I
joined Vivek college and that is where I got friends like Dhaneesh and Nirmal who brought back
that ignition in me after so many years. I was travelling back to goodness and I was
in the right direction. They heard me sing and wanted me to participate in the music
competition. I was scared and nervous.

I went to the classroom where the competition was going on and at last my name was
called. All of my dear friends who were present there to hear me sing started cheering
for me when I was on stage. I saw the audience and judges looking at me and waiting
for me to start. I started with my song and my heart started beating faster. I started sweating and my legs started shivering out of fear. I lost my pitch and
the rhythm. I didn’ t see or rather I was too scared to look at the audience and their
reactions. I felt restless and I forgot my lyrics. I couldn’ t even complete the first para
and I was all lost.

But, this gave me a confidence that I was not bad and was better than many others.
The point what I am trying to make here is not about my talent in singing but the
importance of exposure at the right age, right time and right place. It took another
five to ten stage performances for me to regain my confidence that was lost long back
somewhere. Whenever I see others perform I realise that I am still miles away from
reaching that point. I am still considered as one of the very shy, reserved and average
performer in my group which is true up to a great extend.

Whenever I had to give any presentation or whenever I was told to speak in public
these experiences helped me perform much better than other competitors. But
I regret of not having started early, or rather not being able to start at early stage. As
people say “ its never too late…”